![]() ![]() “I think that this … ohhhhhhh,daaammmmnnn … is a positive step for the industry … ohhh mama … and it is … sllooowwwer … a good move for the entire … dddddDERRRRRRRRP! … computer business,” cooed analyst Michael Flatly, who wished to remain nameless. Industry analysts’ reactions to the news were decidedly mixed, as some were being fellated by hookers, and some were not. “We intend to corner the market on piecemeal operating systems,” shouted Gates, who could not be reached for comment, “We will destroy the souls of the nonbelievers.” A few of the new companies formed include Microsoft Calculator, Microsoft Minesweeper, Microsoft Recycle Bin, Microsoft MouseCursor, Microsoft Bob, Microsoft StartupSound, Microsoft Wallpaper, Microsoft Paint, Microsoft ShutDownSound, Microsoft ToolBar, Microsoft NotePad and Microsoft Crash. ![]() Rather than merely separating the operating system from the office applications, Gates has decided to split up everything. “We felt that the government’s plan to split Microsoft into three companies would not be sufficient,” Gates exhorted, “so we have decided to split it up into 35,000 different companies.” In a startling series of events this afternoon, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, along with several space aliens from Zagnut-3, announced that Microsoft would, indeed, be split up into several companies. ![]()
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